Bones funny quotes

Bones funny quotes DEFAULT


I remember the day each of you was hired. I remember the name of every victim I've ever identified. I remember just how meaningful this work can be but I don't remember how to do it. I can't make sense of the evidence. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with this.


It's high time we all decided to join Aubrey in Los Angeles. Maybe Judge Judy needs a prosecutor.


My brain, it's different. I'm different.


Booth: What you said to Janine, about me doing my duty, it was still my choice. It always is, every time I take a shot I take responsibility for that.
Brennan: I know, and that's why I stand beside you. Always.

Booth: 4:47. Why would you want to be reminded of the moment when everything almost ended, Bones?
Brennan: Because it didn’t.

Squints of the world unite, Baby.


Brennan trained you for this exact moment. She's counting on you. So am I.


Aubrey: You know what they say, once a Ranger, always a Ranger.
Booth: That's not the Ranger's slogan, Aubrey.
Aubrey: Ah, I'm thinking of the Power Rangers.

For so much of my life my intelligence was all I had. I may not have had a family, but I understood things that nobody else could. My brain, the way I think, is who I am. Who I was.


I know I've said a lot of things over the years about you being a sniper; I was wrong. Killing Kovac's father, that was the right thing to do.


Brennan: If the thing that made me me is gone, who am I?
Booth: You're the woman I love. You're the woman who kissed me outside a pool house when it was pouring rain, took me to shoot tommy guns on Valentine's Day. That's who you are. You're the one who proposed to me with a stick of beef jerky in your hand, even though you're a vegetarian. You're the Roxy to my Tony and the Wanda to my Buck. Who else is going to sing Hot Blooded with me? And besides, we are way better than Mulder and Scully.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: I don't care if you know about the bones or if we know how to solve crimes, all I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is you, Temperance Brennan. You. You're my partner. Don't forget that.

Booth: You saw Bones. She's had some kind of a head trauma. She could be bleeding in the brain.
Hodgins: I watched my pregnant wife get thrown against a wall. You're not the only one that wants to get out of here.


Bones Quotes

DirectorAlex Chapple

DirectorAllan Kroeker

DirectorAllison Liddi-Brown

DirectorAnne Renton

DirectorAnton Cropper

DirectorArlene Sanford

ProducerBarry Josephson

CommunicatorBrad Turner

DirectorBryan Spicer

DirectorCaleb Deschanel

DirectorChad Lowe

DirectorCraig Ross Jr.

DirectorDaniel Sackheim

ProducerDavid Boreanaz

DirectorDavid Duchovny

DirectorDavid Grossman

DirectorDavid Hugh Jones

DirectorDenise Di Novi

DirectorDonna Deitch

DirectorDwight H. Little

ProducerEmily Deschanel

DirectorFrançois Velle

StoryGene Hong

DirectorGreg Yaitanes

ProducerHart Hanson

ProducerIan Toynton

DirectorJames Whitmore Jr.

ProducerJanet Tamaro

DirectorJeannot Szwarc

DirectorJeff Woolnough

DirectorJeffrey Walker

DirectorJessica Landaw

DirectorJesús Salvador Treviño

DirectorJoe Napolitano

CommunicatorJonathan Adams

DirectorJonathan Pontell

DirectorKaren Gaviola

ProducerKarine Rosenthal

DirectorKate Woods

DirectorKevin Hooks

StuntsMario Perez

DirectorMarita Grabiak

DirectorMark Helfrich

DirectorMichael Lange

DirectorMilan Cheylov

DirectorPatrick R. Norris

DirectorRandall Zisk

DirectorReginald Hudlin

DirectorRob Hardy

DirectorRobert Reed Altman

DirectorSanford Bookstaver

DirectorScott Lautanen

DirectorSilver Tree

IdeaStephen Nathan

DirectorSteve Robin

DirectorSteven DePaul

DirectorTawnia McKiernan

DirectorThomas J. Wright

DirectorTim Southam

DirectorTony Wharmby

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In celebration of the airing of the 150th episode of Bones, we’ve compiled a list of 150 quotes…one from each aired episode! Some are iconic, some are funny, some are quirky but all are classic Bones.

Enjoy…and don’t forget to tune in tonight for The Ghost in the Machine!

                 Bones Quotes Logo

Well when the cops get stuck we bring in people like you. You know, squints. You know to squint at things.

If you have nothing in common, it’s difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction.

You’re bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact.

Objectively I’d say I’m very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.

What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just… put your heart in a box.

Booth doesn’t balk.

I’ve never, ever cheated on any woman that I’ve ever been with. Never!

What I feel doesn’t matter. Only she matters; only Maggie.

It’s Christmas Eve Day! Both an eve and a day…it’s a Christmas miracle!

You’re ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?

Forensic anthropologist! That’s why no gun.

No, Bones. You do fight crime. It’s not a fantasy. As far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.

She’s my partner, see. And if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won’t think twice.

Next time, you know, you miss me, pick up the phone, call me. We’ll do lunch..or something.

This conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you’re in the middle of it.

I’m not nervous. I’m scared. I don’t know how to talk to crazy people unless I’m dating them.

I want you to get federal on his ass.

Listen, dude, my lab was violated; my bones were stolen, so I think I’ll remain warm for a little while longer.

Jesus is not a zombie! I shouldn’t even have to tell you that.

I find intelligence soothing.

Men aren’t like us. They’re much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we’re the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.

I know who you are.

You’re human remains and… she hasn’t made a decision yet.

We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love.

I’m with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don’t doubt it for a second.

He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.

You know what Bones, it might be all anthropology to you, but there are certain people you just can’t sleep with.

You kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black? It’s a dream come true.

I miss normal people.

Oh you know, them boots, they ain’t made for walking sweetheart.

I knew you wouldn’t give up.

Hey, you’re my partner. It’s a guy-hug. Take it.

There’s more than one kind of family.

Every single day it’s with us, there’s this line and we can’t cross it, you know what I’m saying?

I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a pornado.

Get it together! Start using your over-sized heads! This is the real world. Now, I know bug man here handed in his resignation. My official Justice Department recommendation is the following: we win the case, he gets his job back; we lose, Booth shoots him.

Testosterone spill on aisle four.

No bones, no Bones… I was the second “Bones.”

Can’t you just be satisfied that if I’m wrong about God, I’ll burn in hell?

I can’t fight or shoot a gun; but if something bad happens, I can spit with deadly accuracy.

This is, I wanna say anomalous, but I’m going to go with weird.

Zack’s always the murder victim.

This time, Art made Science her bitch.

Angela and Hodgins are fine, Zack is back, Cam is locked in. What I need to know, Bones, is are we solid? Because, you and me, Bones, we’re the center.

Angela Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions [nods toward Hodgins] and him.

Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some, they just give up hope because in their mind, they’re thinking “Oh, there’s nobody out there for me.” But all of us, we keep trying, over and over again. Why? Because, every once in a while… every once in a while, two people meet, and there’s that spark. And yes, Bones, he’s handsome, and she’s beautiful, and maybe that’s all they see at first. But making love… making love… that’s when two people become one.

We’re just partners.

I concur, vehemently!

Daffodil. Daisy. Jupiter.

“Why do you always have to correct me?” “To help you evolve.”

Did you just Star Wars us?

Thanks for the gum.

Special Agent Seeley Booth. Special.

You don’t play at being a warrior. You are a warrior … every day. You’re definitely a … fully developed man.

Dancing phalanges! Dancing phalanges!

That’s a lot of heart, Bones.

Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper…

There’s… You’re correct. There’s an inconsistency in my reasoning.

Bones! They’re like the English version of me and you.

I wonder if I can get Congress to pass something like, uh, knighthood. Sir Seeley Booth. Just sounds right.

There is someone for everyone, someone you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with, all right? You just have to be open enough to see it, that’s all.

Ripley was a good dog. He didn’t want to fight, but he did it to please his master. And he didn’t want to attack a human being, but he did it — to please his master. You know, it wasn’t Ripley’s fault his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson.

Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform.

The depressed intern is quite clever.

We already have Agent Booth to make lame jokes. Let’s stick to facts.

They’ll never work. They’re, like, complete opposites.

In working with Booth, I’ve come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who’s always there for friends and family… that’s a real alpha male. And I promise my eyes will never be caught by those shiny baubles again.

All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say, “Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?”

You’re a good man, and I want that for her.

Oh, great. Right in the middle of a jurisdictional pissing contest.

I’m never gonna make you fall. I’m always here.

Any lock worth picking is worth kicking.

I don’t need a sitter. Booth gets needlessly protective sometimes. I have no idea why.

That’s my gun.

Have you ever noticed that a sunset looks more beautiful when you share it with someone that you care about?

Yes! Pinky stumps The Brain!

You know what? You’re the only smart person I really like.

Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal… I want to believe that, too.

What are we, the land of misfit toys?

King of the funeral!

Is it worth it? To have your own happiness so contingent on another human being?

It’s a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.

You should know that better than anybody. If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever gonna touch you.

So you’re a murderer; I’m unfaithful. We are a very exciting couple!

You’re in love with Dr. Brennan.

All elephants are gray, Agent Booth, but not all gray things are elephants.

I like it. It’s Boothy.

Yes! I will be your hamlet of 800 people or less.

Bones doesn’t feel pressure to act or do or say anything that she doesn’t want to, and no one, no one, can make her. That’s what makes her Bones.

Listen, Bones, I would do anything for you. I would die for you, I would kill for you, but I am not getting in between two best friends.

If a man can’t have the woman that he loves, he gets a bit crazy.

All right, you’ve got steel ovaries.

You need to Google “Venn diagram.”

You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.

You know, I won’t say anything about the scream if you don’t say anything about the gun.

You’re a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.

When Booth and I first met, I didn’t believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry, but perhaps Booth is correct. Perhaps love comes first and creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but I’m willing to accept Booth’s premise.

There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can’t see it. I find that reassuring.

I can still be surprised by people.

Do you believe in fate?

This is the prom I never got to go to.

Bones, you are the standard.

You should expect to be impressed by me.

Why is it that when these things happen, they always happen to the people you don’t want to see naked?

I envy your ability to substitute optimism for reality.

Booth, in a week you’re going to a war zone. Please, don’t be a hero … please, just don’t be you.

You know what? You asked my opinion, right? I’m gonna give it to you. You listening? Give yourself a chance to be happy, move on.

I just assumed that when you guys got back from your trip you’d be a real couple.

Eureka! A gathering of Guidos!

But it’s clear, and what do we say about clarity? It’s a barbarity that clarity is a rarity!

It’s not like you build up an immunity to gunshot wounds.

You had intercourse accidentally? What were you trying to do, Miss Wick?

You so much as mention leaving the country to my daughter and I will choke you on your own trivia, and stuff your lifeless body in a locker.

And don’t think of him as a kid. Just think of him as a short guy who … who’s not allowed to drink.

I got the signal, Booth. I don’t wanna have any regrets.

I’m quite beautiful.

It’s over. She can’t get to any of us anymore.

Well, it means, Bones, that, you know, you could love a lot of people in this world, but there’s only one person that you love the most.

What is it with women who just don’t want what I’m offering here?

Valentine’s Day is not a holiday. It’s just made up by these greeting card companies and florists.

From where I stand, you are good, and Broadsky’s bad.

We both have excellent stamina. Making love would be..quite satisfying.

You really are not going to stop until this Canadian foot guy is paralyzed from head to toe.

We don’t make any sense at all.

It’s amazing how people can ask me to find things, when the real treasure is something completely different all together.

To things that we don’t say.

I know how it feels not to trust anyone. People lie. But bones always tell the truth.

I got into bed with Booth last night.

I’m - I’m pregnant.

She’s having that baby so the next generation will have someone to make them feel dumb.

Oh, I got to say, Ma'am, this is the best damn job, ever.

I cop, you squint.

You do have some good memories of your father. You told me that. There was the time when the river froze and he woke you up at midnight to skating, and the time you were sweeping up at his barbershop when he put on Louis Prima and pretended that the electric razor was a microphone. And the World Series, your one perfect day together. Those good times with your dad are happening right now. They’ll always be happening. You deserve to keep those alive.

You lied to me! I could have missed this!

We have a house, Booth. You found our home.

There is a mystery to life.

I missed her so much.

You’re an airplane propeller and I’m about to walk into you so I am going to take a step back.

I thought we could search for carrion and rearticulate their skeletons. You know… a family project.

How does a baby get suspended from day care?

This is not fair. His ooky room is ookier than mine!

I love you, Booth. I don’t want you to think that Christine is the only reason we’re together.

Well look at that, Bones is back!

I love you. I’m willing to do irrational things to prove it.

Not that look, please. Don’t give me the sad eyes….You were never able to do this look before the baby. What did the baby do to you?

(The tiger) was beautiful and rare, just like you.

What-what kind of freak feels nostalgic over human sacrifices?

I can’t believe he died with no one knowing what he did.

What can I say? I’m a romantic, Bones.

The spark plug you married conducted an unfettered sex life and-and never lived anywhere for more than a couple of years. You want her back around?


Quotes and Sayings About Bones

  • Beauty is now defined by your bones sticking out of your decolletage. For that to be the standard is really perilous for women.
    -- Alanis Morissette


  • It's easy to forget people are blood and bone. They're not indestructible.
    -- Alexandra Adornetto


  • Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.
    -- Alexei Sayle


  • If you let hope inside, it takes you over. It feeds on your insides and uses your bones to climb and grow. Eventually it becomes the thing that is your bones, that holds you together. Holds you up until you don't know how to live without it anymore. To pull it out of you would kill you entirely.
    -- Ally Condie


  • My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.
    -- Andy Rooney


  • Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone, I here, though there, yet both but one.
    -- Anne Bradstreet


  • Don't tire yourself more than need be, even at the price of founding a culture on the fatigue of your bones.
    -- Antonin Artaud


  • No British Government ever will and ever can risk the bones of a British grenadier.
    -- Austen Chamberlain


  • We've all got stardust in our bones...
    -- Ben Harper


  • Folk is bare bones music.
    -- Ben Harper


  • We all got a hillbilly bone down deep inside.
    -- Blake Shelton


  • Knowledge is only rumor until it lives in the bones.
    -- Brené Brown


  • We definitely aren't very good at staying in one place. There's not a domesticated bone in my body.
    -- Brent Smith

    #Body#Bones#Very Good

  • Everyone who knows me knows that I don't have a prejudiced bone in my body.
    -- Brett Ratner

    #Body#Bones#Know Me

  • You're not in love if you keep your own heart bricked up behind your bones. You're only playing.
    -- Catherynne M. Valente


  • Love breaks my bones and I laugh
    -- Charles Bukowski


  • A good thing to have up your sleeve is a sanctified funny-bone.
    -- Charles Studd

    #Missionary#Bones#Good Things

  • I want a big fat woman with meat shaking on her bones.
    -- Chick Willis


  • An old woman is always uneasy when dry bones are mentioned in a proverb
    -- Chinua Achebe

    #Dry#Bones#Old Woman

  • I can get a great look at a t-bone steak by shoving my head up a bull's ***** but I'd rather take the butchers word for it.
    -- Chris Farley


  • Morning breaks. So do bottles and bones.
    -- Clint Catalyst


  • The flesh of prose gets its shape and strength from the bones of grammar.
    -- Constance Hale


  • If you have been in the vicinity of the sacred - ever brushed against the holy - you retain it more in your bones than in your head; and if you haven’t, no description of the experience will ever be satisfactory.
    -- Daniel Taylor


  • He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
    -- David Sedaris


  • In a shared fish, there are no bones.
    -- Democritus


  • Tell him I hate him to his guts and the marrow of his bones!
    -- Diana Gabaldon


  • It is easier to gnaw through bone. Than the hide of the heart.
    -- Diane Glancy


  • Our bones ache only while the flesh is on them.
    -- Djuna Barnes


  • Beauty is but skin deep, ugly to the bone. And when beauty fades away, ugly claims its own.
    -- Dorothy West


  • Throw em a bone and they want a steak.
    -- Drake


  • Sours:

    Funny quotes bones

    Filled the bath in advance and prepared a soothing bath for her tortured nipples. Her knees, even with the fact that she was standing on a pillow, will be very sore. What can we say about her sensitive anus, which was invaded by three huge balls.

    BONES - Funny moments (season 6)

    And our column was driven a little further. We stopped in front of a small stone barn. There the owner of our caravan was met by two - a thin, bald man, dressed in a red robe, and another - a tall, slender slave.

    Now discussing:

    I know why you're mad. Well. The razor was dull.

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